sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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