these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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