I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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