Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
