so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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