I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
