He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
