At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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