Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your penis caused this!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
