the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
