somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
