on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
