ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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