Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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