Pappa wants mamma naked
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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