Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
