IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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