I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
