I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize