my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
