Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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