Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
