I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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