DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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