mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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