he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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