Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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