Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
