I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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