I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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