I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
