He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
