We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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