if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
