dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
