it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
