You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
