I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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