so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
