Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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