why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
