I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize