I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
