I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
