last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
