you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
