I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
