look no pants
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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