Only a mothe r could love this liver
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
