so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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