Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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