? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
