first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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