This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
