I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
