I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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