i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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