Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
