My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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