he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
