She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
