I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
