she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
