I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
