She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
