Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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