I want to have your abortion
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
