That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
